When sitting just sit: My experience with a 10 day meditation retreat
Growing up in a Buddhist household and with my mother being an avid meditator, mindfulness and meditation practices were introduced to me at a very young age. My mother would use every opportunity at the dinner table to teach my sister and I the teachings of the Buddha, while also teaching us ways to implement mindfulness on a daily basis.
About two decades ago, my mother attended a 10-day silent meditation retreat in Egbert, Ontario. She raved about her experience and told me that I had to do it at least once in my life. And so the seed was planted at a young age. As I continued on with my life, I encountered many other family members and friends who had attended the same 10-day course and all had amazing experiences. I knew it was something I wanted to do for myself at some point in my life. So I signed up in 2013. And then cancelled at the last minute because “other commitments” came up. And then again I signed up in 2016, and canceled again because of “other commitments”. The intent to go was there, but the desire to go was not greater than my fear of “What will I be missing while I’m gone?” or “If I use those 10 days then I’ll have no more vacation days!” or “How can one possibly spend that many days meditating???”. I had practiced meditation throughout my life, however I had never practiced it consistently for 10 days non-stop, and the thought of it was definitely intimidating. Five years later in July 2018, I finally attended the course. And it was one of the most difficult yet beautiful experiences of my life.
A few weeks ago, I drove an hour up north to Egbert, Ontario where the peaceful Ontario Vipassana Centre is located. I gave a ride to two non-Buddhists and was already inspired just by hearing their reasons for attending the retreat and how their interest in meditation began. The reason I stress non-Buddhists is because I had grown up with Buddhist practices surrounding me, so to hear people from all walks of life, various ethnicities, ages and religions attending this course was so inspiring for me. Clearly, people saw the actual benefits of meditation- to want to explore out of their own religion and culture and devote 10 days of their life to it. Every single day of the 10-day retreat, I admired each and every person that was there. Each time I opened my eyes in the meditation hall to a room full of 80+ men and women meditating, I smiled with happiness and gratitude.
Some friends asked/commented “What do you plan on gaining out of this retreat?” or “I hope you find what you’re looking for” and I would smile and say “Thank you” or would give an ambiguous response. The truth was, I wasn’t specifically looking to come out a changed, non-reactive, rejuvenated person. I had no expectations, except that I wanted to get a deeper experiential practice of meditation with absolutely no distractions. This was a 10-day silent course, 4:30am- 9pm schedule, no phones or electronics, and no physical or verbal contact with anyone except the teachers. Sounds extreme-almost like a cult as many friends joked- but I understood at the end of the retreat why we weren’t allowed our phones or to talk. The goal is 10 days with no distractions, so that you can actually practice the true technique of Vipassana, and focus solely on being in the present moment.
Vipassana is an ancient meditation technique that was discovered by the Buddha 2500+ years ago. “Vipassana” means seeing things as they really are. It is a process of self-purification through self-observation. You begin by observing the natural breath to concentrate your mind. Slowly, as your awareness sharpens, you proceed to observe the changing nature of your body and learn how to remain equanimous. Eventually, as you begin to develop your mind, you begin to understand the universal truth of impermanence, suffering and egolessness. And eventually, as you learn to become more and more equanimous to your own bodily sensations- pains or pleasant feelings, you will slowly generalize that equanimity to other external events in your life.
Vipassana is not a rite or ritual based on blind faith. It is not a cure for any mental illness and it is certainly not an escape from any obstacles you are facing in life. Vipassana does not stop the negativity around you, however it teaches you how to gently respond (or not respond) to what is occurring around you. We cannot change others, but we can change ourselves and how we react to our environment. Although the Buddha discovered Vipassana, the practice is not limited to Buddhists. People from various religions have experienced firsthand the benefits of Vipassana and have found no conflict with their own faith.
Vipassana is a technique of mental purification that allows one to face life’s obstacles in a calm and balanced way. Which is why this technique resonates so well with me. I was never one to believe in a higher being to “do things for me”. I firmly believe in doing things for myself- you want good to come your way, then do good. You want to get better at something, then work hard at it. And likewise, if you want to learn to face life’s obstacles in a more calm and collected way- you must first begin at the simplest level: by purifying your own mind.
As each day of the retreat went by, it got harder. At times, during a 1-hour meditation session I thought I was going to die (I know, sounds dramatic right?). Die not just because of the physical pain I was in, but mostly because my mind was telling me that. It’s crazy where your mind can take you. However, every night there was a discourse by Goenkaji, the late Burmese-Indian teacher of Vipassana meditation. They were pre-recorded videos that discussed each day’s progress and really explained how our minds work. Goenkaji described this 10-day experience as an internal operation on the mind. Except, unlike a true operation where you would typically undergo anesthesia, this operation was not under anesthesia and so you would feel every single pain- internal and external. The more you listened to the discourses, the more you understood the importance of purifying the mind and the relevance to your everyday life. Goenkaji explained how most of our thoughts are either in the past or future, never truly in the present moment. And as I learned to be more observant of my thoughts throughout the 10 days, I realized that 99% of my thoughts were in fact in the past or future. Despite having no phone or person to distract me, I was still distracted by my very own thoughts. Which goes to show you that no matter how many distractions you get rid of from your life- your thoughts are always with you. And your thoughts can take you to two extremes: bliss or destruction.
Why this blog post? It is not to encourage everyone to go on a 10-day meditation retreat or to encourage you to start meditating for hours at a time. This post is because we, including myself, need to take care of our minds. Having worked in the field of mental health for years, I finally understood the importance of taking care of yourself before you try to take care of others. But the problem is, many of us already think we are taking care of ourselves. We spend so much money and time on our health. We exercise regularly and try to eat healthy (dairy free, sugar free, this detox, that detox), but how often do we truly detox our mind? Like actually, how often are you able to detox your mind without any distractions? Try it. Try focusing solely on your breath for 30 seconds and see how many other thoughts come up. Purifying your mind takes time and practice. Like any other skill you are trying to develop, whether it is dancing, singing, or playing a sport, you can only get better through consistent and dedicated practice. Likewise, meditation is also a skill that takes time and practice to develop.
This post is also not to say that I am now “Zen Yen” and no longer get mad. Coming back to the real world after 10 days of meditation, you realize how quickly you can lose a skill if you don’t practice it. I still react, still get angry, still make harsh comments, and still live in the past or future. However, I am slightly more aware of myself when I become this way and it has made me realize that like any other skill I have developed- I need to practice the skill of mindfulness consistently if and only if I truly want to see long lasting results. It is only with continued practice and dedication that can you achieve anything in life.
If you’re wondering how you can incorporate mindfulness into your daily life, here are some simple tips:
Be mindful of your speech.
“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”
-Buddha
If you do this “3 gate test” before speaking then great, you’re already being mindful of your speech. If not, try it. We speak too much- sometimes just to fill the silence. But sometimes silence is better than words of no value. And sometimes not having the last word is okay. So give it a try the next time you speak, and ask yourself whether your words pass through those three gates.
Be mindful during simple routines of your daily life (i.e. brushing your teeth, washing the dishes, doing laundry, eating, etc.). If you’re wondering how to do this, first begin by not multitasking. Although multitasking can be efficient and you’ll feel like a superhero while doing it, you’ll probably realize that a lot of the time when you multitask, you end up forgetting something or you’re careless. This goes back to the importance of being in the present. Practicing being here right now activates your parasympathetic nervous system, puts you into wise mind mode, and allows you to experience a sense of well-being (Strosahl & Robinson, 2017). When you do one task at a time, and truly make an effort to be mindful, you are less likely to rush and make a mistake. For example, when you are brushing your teeth, try and only brush your teeth. Pick up your toothbrush, open the tap, get the toothpaste, feel the sensations of the brush in your mouth, etc, and do nothing else but brush your teeth. This can be done with any routine in your daily life!
One-minute meditations: Throughout the day, whenever you get a break, try to devote 1 minute of your time to focus on your breath. Watch your breath as you inhale and exhale. Feel the sensation of the breath as it enters your nostrils and leaves your nostrils. When thoughts come up (and they will), just watch them and bring your attention back to your breath. Don’t get attached to your thoughts, don’t get mad that they come up, just merely watch them and bring yourself back to your breath. You can do these “minute meditations” from anywhere, whether you’re sitting, standing, in your office, or on the subway. It’s a great way to introduce yourself to the idea of watching your breath and practicing being in the present.
And last but not least, be kind to one another as everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about <3.
References:
Strosahl, K. D., & Robinson, P. (2017). The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Depression: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to move through depression and create a life worth living. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.